Will You Wait for Me?

Last night, I had the kids all to myself. I'm not going to lie, I was, at first, NOT looking forward to it. Jordan's been sick, Ali had homework, and I was already exhausted. All this on a Monday...

Luckily, it went nothing like I thought it would. Jordan was feeling okay, and he just followed Ali like a faithful little puppy dog, so I didn't have to carry him everywhere. Yay! I had time to make us dinner, and then we sat at the table, ate, and did homework. Then Ali wanted to play Twister:

Jordan went right to bed with only a little fussing, and Ali got in the tub. My kids were angels! When I got Ali out of the bathtub, we for some reason started talking about Jesus. I explained to her that we have to have Jesus in our hearts in order to go to heaven, and that He washes away all our sins. She asked how, and I explained to her that Jesus was the Son of God. And God sent Jesus to die on the cross for us. I told her that God loved us so much, he gave His only son so that we could live. Then I asked her if she could imagine me sending Jordan to die for the world, and it made her so sad. She asked if everyone had to die on the cross like Jesus did, and I said no. He died for everyone, and because of that, all we have to do is ask for forgiveness and all our sins would be washed away.

Then we started talking about going to heaven. I told her I would go to heaven first since I'm older than she is, and she informed me (I'm assuming she heard this from Gmo?) that her great great great (she added several more "greats" on there as well) aunt lived to be 110! She said that she was going to live that long as well and then she'd be ready to go to heaven. And the kicker? She asked if I'd wait for her. OH MY WORD I almost started crying. The precious baby girl wants me to hold her hand when we walk through the gates of heaven. She said I'd be 112 when she's 110 (I'm okay with this tiny math discrepancy), and then we can both go to heaven together.

We then went to bed. I let her sleep with me since her daddy had to work super late. That didn't last very long; Jordan kept waking up and I was afraid she'd wake up too from all the noise, so I carried her to her own bed. Plus, she'd already elbowed me in the face twice and knocked a candle off our headboard (she is a crazy sleeper just like her dad!!).

I was up what seemed like all night long with Jordan. I think it's the medicine he is taking right now for his sinuses that makes him all jittery and unable to sleep. I woke up EXHAUSTED and frustrated. But when I think about last night and how awesome my kids were, it makes it all worth it. I woke up at 5:30 so that I could get me, Jordan, and Ali all ready for the day, go to Walmart to pick up baby food to send to the daycare, and show up to work on time, but really, what do I have to complain about?? I'm so blessed.

A Letter to Jordan

Dear son,

      I don't even know where to start! I guess we'll start at the beginning. The very beginning. Your dad and I met in the fall of 2008 at Ace Hardware where we both worked. I thought he was really weird at first. You know your father, he loves his shoes and hats and basketball. Back then, he was so skinny. All of his clothes were falling off of him, and he wore the same pair of wind pants almost every day! The reason why he dressed so weird is another story for another day. But after a while, your dad and I started talking a little here and there, mostly about work. You'd be surprised about how much Mom knows about tools and hardware! And then I met your sister! I fell in love with her and your dad at the same time, and it's all downhill from there. We got married in December of 2009 one week after he graduated from college. I graduated the following May, and guess what? We found out just weeks later that I was pregnant!

January 31, 2011

      I felt your first kick right around 20 weeks (you were very strong!), and at 24 weeks the doctor told us you were definitely a boy! You were the wiggliest little baby every. I would get sick to my stomach sometimes from all those somersaults you were doing in there! We didn't have a name picked out until a month before you were born. We chose Jordan after Daddy's favorite basketball player, Michael Jordan. And your middle name came randomly from a baby book. We almost named you Kristian! We decorated your bedroom in Noah's Ark (we even let Ali help paint some of the walls!) and got everything just right for the Big Day. On Monday, January 31st, exactly 6 days before our due date, we went to the doctor for a
regular checkup. Doesn't that day sound familiar? The doctor said you had performed some serious acrobatics over the weekend--you had flipped the wrong direction, silly boy! Due to a snow storm that was headed our way, the doctor felt it was best to go ahead and schedule a c-section. That night, at 7:01 p.m., you arrived in Valley View Hospital during a massive snow and ice storm. You weighed 7lbs 2oz, 18 inches long. Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes, and the most beautiful little baby I'd ever seen. And look at all that hair!

      Our first few weeks together were a blur. Daddy had to go back to work, so it was just you and me at home. Your favorite things to do were eat, poop, and sleep on Mommy. We had lots of visitors during that time, how blessed you are to have such a loving circle of friends and family! They brought us presents, food, and lots of hugs and kisses. 

      You grew so quickly, we couldn't keep up with you! Here you are at three weeks old. Can you see how much you'd already changed? Our little baby was growing up already. You hated, and I mean HATED, bath time. This went on until you were about 6 months old, and then you liked it for a while, and then suddenly at 7 months you went to hating it again, and then at 9 months, you liked it again. Talk about picky! =) 

Look at your forehead!!

      When you were just 3 months old, we made our very first special trip to the emergency room! It was all Daddy's fault! Ok, really, it was all Mommy's fault; Dad was sleeping innocently in the bedroom. You had woke up very early one morning (like 5 o'clock early), and I decided to put you in your swing (you loved looking in the mirror on it!). So I put you in the swing (thinking you'd fall asleep) and went back to bed. Half an hour later, Daddy and I heard a loud "THUMP" and then the unmistakable sound of you crying. We jumped out of bed and ran into the living room to find you face down on the floor; you had WIGGLED out of your swing and bumped your head on the DVD stand! We rushed you to the emergency room (good thing we live two blocks from the hospital!) and, three hours and two x-rays later, the doctor told us you were absolutely fine. And guess what? This would not be our last visit to the ER!

Your first tooth!

      Shortly after that incident, several things happened. You got your first tooth AND your very first ear infection! Your teeth came in way early and you drooled on everything. You were about 4 months old by now, and I had taken you to work with me one day (I finally went back to work in April) and you were lying in the floor talking up a storm (jibber jabber this, jibber jabber that). You were supposed to be napping but, of course, you wanted to play. I was taking a picture of you to send to Daddy, and guess what? I got a snapshot of your very first tooth! I couldn't believe it! Although Dr. Metry told us that teething didn't cause ear infections, I still had my suspicions. Your first ear infection came at the same time as the tooth, and it was the most horrible experience ever! You would cry and cry and cry, and we knew it must be so painful. But after a few days of antibiotics, you were good as new. Unfortunately, this wouldn't be the last of your ear problems. You got another infection two months later, and then a double infection two months after that one. I guess this would be a good time to tell you about your second real visit to the emergency room...

6 months old

      At about 6 months old, when you had your second ear infection, Dr. Metry was on vacation and I couldn't find another pediatrician to see you. I knew something was wrong; you cried and cried like you were in a lot of pain. So Mommy took you to Urgent Care and they put you on some antibiotics. Four days later, you weren't any better and now you had broke out in a rash all over your body. At 2 in the morning, after several hours of crying, we headed back to Valley View emergency room. It turned out that you were allergic to the medicine, and instead of getting better, you were getting worse! So we changed antibiotics, and a week later, your ears were better and the rash was gone. Phew, what a relief! 

    Now, son, I'm leaving out a lot of stuff. When you're growing up as fast as you have, it's hard to keep up with everything. Like when you first went to daycare at 3 months old and Mommy returned to work; I cried everytime I dropped you off for two weeks! Or that your best friend, from the moment you were born, was your sister. You and Ali are two peas in a pod. You might not believe that someday, but trust me, I have the pictures and videos to prove it! Or like how you had to take medicine for colic, or how you had an umbilical hernia (that was actually your very first trip to the emergency room, but who's counting?). And your very first time to roll over, we were so proud! You started crawling when you were seven months old, and started pulling up just a couple weeks later. By this time, you had SIX teeth! Two on bottom and four on top. You started eating baby food at four months, and solids at six. You had so many teeth you could pretty much eat anything you wanted! And you hated eating things from a jar; you'd cry until Mom or Dad gave you food off our own plates (with a fork, because your spoon obviously wasn't good enough!). 

Halloween 2011

      In October, at 9 months old, you got to celebrate Halloween for the first time. Sister was a fairy princess (which she wanted to be every single year!) and you were the cutest little puppy dog the world has ever seen. We went trick-or-treating (sorry, we didn't let you have any candy!) and saw some really scary houses! You slept through the entire night, though, and Mommy had to carry you everywhere. 

      Thanksgiving came and went, and we were able to see lots of family during that time! You have so many people that love you! And then we got to celebrate your very first Christmas and the birth of our Lord and Savior. We were so lucky to be able to go to church that day and celebrate Jesus! Your first Christmas came and went too quickly, if you ask me.

December 2011

      On New Year's Eve, we had friends over to celebrate. We don't generally let you stay up late, but you seemed determined to be awake to say goodbye to 2011! And guess what? Mom got two New Year's kisses: one from Dad and the other from you!
 
     On January 1, 2012, you decided to start sleeping through the night, but this only lasted for about a week! Nonetheless, we knew you were just trying to give Mom and Dad a break--we got so much sleep that week! You also started walking. Daddy got to see you take your very first steps--you were trying to get your hands on his iPhone! Mom and Dad decided to become members of Community FWB Church around this time; everyone was so happy!

Eating your birthday cake :)

       And now we are celebrating your first birthday. I can't believe how much you've grown since that cold and snowy January night one year ago. Wasn't it just yesterday we were carrying you out of the hospital? Giving you your very first bottle? Your first bath? Taking you to the emergency room? You'll be walking, and then running, and before you know it, you'll be graduating from Kindergarten. Daddy predicts you'll win all kinds of awards for breaking state shooting records in basketball when you reach High School. I wonder what you'll be when you grow up. A basketball player? A scientist? A teacher? A dad? Just know that you can be anything you want to be, but nothing comes easy. Remember to work hard for everything you want in life, and to always give God the glory for everything you have. Life goes by so fast, Jordan. Treasure every single moment of it.

      I love you more than I can say. You'll always be Mommy's little boy. Always.

Love, Mom

    

      

Say "Mama!"

My son still refuses to say anything other than dada dada dada dada!! Sometimes, when he cries, I tell him, "I promise, if you'd just say 'Mama' everything would be all better." He doesn't listen though!

Ali even told Jordan the other day, "Brother... we're sick of you saying Dada all the time! Say Mama!"

So what's happening with my little tikes lately? Jordan is now crawling all over the place. His favorite things to do include: being outside, drooling, and chewing on electrical cords. I'm not even kidding. We have to watch him constantly or else he'll crawl to the TV and stick any cord he can reach into his mouth. Yesterday, Kris and Jordan stayed home. Kris said he left Jordan in the living room floor and went into the kitchen for something. When he came back, our little monster had ejected our P90X DVD out of the Playstation and was playing with it. He wants to get ripped too, Dad.

 He is 8 1/2 months old now and has already decided he doesn't want baby foods anymore. I guess that's a good thing since he's got a mouth full of teeth and baby food can get kind of expensive. He likes wheat bread, mashed potatoes, chicken pot pie, green beans... on and on. He'll eat just about anything.

Ali is now such a little grown up. I forget how little she used to be! And she doesn't really need us for much anymore. She can fix her own waffles, tie her shoes, give herself a bath (we have to run the water), brush her hair and teeth... On Saturday mornings, if she wakes up before everyone else, she'll go make herself a waffle, pour herself a glass of milk, turn on the TV, and watch Disney until someone else wakes up!

I dropped her off at school for the first time yesterday. Usually Kris takes her to school and I take Jordan to daycare, but I volunteered to take her since J's daycare was closed. She told me where to park. She held my hand and led me to the cafeteria. The door was locked, so she led me around to the other side of the building to a different door. She kissed me on the cheek and then went in ALL BY HERSELF. I asked her, "Don't you need me to take you to a teacher or someone?" She laughed! "No, Destiny, I go in all by myself, get my food, and sit with my friend Alexa." "Oh," I said, "But what if Alexa isn't here yet?" "Well, then I just get my food and find an empty seat. It's no big deal."

I just can't believe how big my kids are getting!

Ali Bieber

Under NO circumstances is anyone allowed to tell Ali I posted this! The first thing she said was, "This BETTER NOT go on Facebook!" lol

Crawling! Almost...

Jordan has now mastered crawling. Well.. not really mastered it, but he's getting the "general" idea of getting from point A to point B!

Monkey Bars

This is the day Ali turned 6! I only got to keep her for about an hour.. but we made the most of it.

Ferris Wheel

Ali wasn't scared at all, as she'll tell you. I don't normally get scared on these types of things; I LOVE rollercoasters! But being up that high with an almost 6 year old was terrifying. Every time she would wiggle around, my heart would skip a beat. I was constantly holding onto her arm or hand, just in case!!

Monkey Business

I'm a Bouncer!

Little baby will bounce out of your arms if you're not careful... here is proof that he is a wiggle worm like his sister!! =)

LOL, For Real

My Cup is More Like a Fountain...

"Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over." Psalms 23:5

I am at a point in my life where I know without a doubt in my heart that God has given me WAY more than I deserve. Maybe I'm just emotional today (who me? no way!), but when I think of all He has blessed me with, I can feel the tears welling up inside. It's like a bubbly feeling that starts in my heart and then explodes out of my tear ducts. I have an amazing husband. He loves me no matter how crazy or emotional (again, who me?) or needy or demanding I am. He folds my laundry and vacuums the floors. Seriously... what more could you want in a man?

I have two incredible babies. I know it's hard to believe that I could love Ali so much since she isn't mine; I sometimes feel like I'm not suppose to love her as much as Jordan because of what other people think. Without meaning to (I hope), a lot of people don't even mention her when we talk about our kids, as if she doesn't exist simply because I didn't carry her in my belly. That's why I love my family SO much. Every single one of them asks about BOTH of my babies, not just Jordan. Mother's Day really frustrated me this year. I heard so many comments about how it was a special day for me because it was my FIRST Mother's Day. No it wasn't. I celebrated last year too because of Ali. I love her as a daughter in the same way I love Jordan as a son. I love them both more than ice cream and Dr Pepper; that's a LOT of love.

Little baby Jordan, the most beautiful baby boy to ever live and is growing so fast. Too fast! He's more than double the size he was when he was born, and has two lil teefers that really do HURT, so don't stick your finger in his mouth.

I love being a mom, to BOTH my kids. I want to set a good example for them, and that is sometimes a very hard thing to do. I catch myself saying out loud, "Always do the right thing. Always do the right thing." I know Ali hears me, so maybe it'll stick in her brain better than it sticks in mine.

I'm just so incredibly thankful for my family. I couldn't ask for more; God has blessed me far beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

Dada This and Dada That

Well... Jordan has figured out he can move his tongue around and different sounds come out. His favorite sound to make so far? Dada dada dada dada.... As much as I'd love to hear him say Mama.. I am still SOOOOOOOO proud. Who cares what he says first? He's developing and growing.. how could I not be happy about that!?

Can I Get My Ears Pierced?

Do we have a teenager in the house already!?

Ali has suddenly taken to doing things just because her friends do them. If Lexi loves the monkey bars, Ali loves the monkey bars. If Kenna loses a tooth, Ali wants to lose a tooth. If Kenna gets her ears pierced, Ali wants to get her ears pierced. Oh, child...

I told Ali yesterday that I don't want her to be Lexi or Kenna; I just want her to be Ali. "But, Destiny," she said, "I really want my ears pierced!" *Sigh* "Why then, Ali, did you say not even a month ago that you wanted to wait a really long time before getting that done?" No answer.

Personally, I really don't mind letting her get it done, but not right now. Maybe in a few months once the "newness" of Kenna's earrings wears off. But for now, I don't want her to think that she should do things just because other people do them. That's called *Drum Roll* peer pressure! Going with the fad! I want her to know that she can go against the flow and be just as cool and likable and beautiful! I am truly hoping this lesson sticks with her for the next 20 or so years!

In the end, I didn't feel like it was my decision to make. And Kris is a dude, so his opinion on ear piercings didn't seem relevant either! ;) So I told Ali she'd have to talk to her mom, who said she felt like saying yes would be the equivalent of saying she could get a tattoo as well. I don't necessarily agree with that one, but we still both said no, so at least we're semi on the same page!

So for now, Ali has dropped it. But it is Monday, and she is sure to see her bffs. I wonder what she'll come home wanting today...

Sleeping Babies...

My kids are beautiful all the time, but they are rarely ever so calm and peaceful =)

I caught Ali snuggling up with the same teddy bear I snuggled with when I was little. There is nothing I love more than my kids. 

My Kids Are Like Oxygen =)

So here's what's been going on in our lives over the past few weeks...

We have Ali again for our second three-week visitation (yay!) and we love every minute of it! The only bad thing is that Kris has been gone a lot for work, leaving me with the kids. It's tons of fun and equally exhausting! I wake up at 6, get myself ready, wake Ali up, fix her hair, get her dressed, wake the baby up, change his diaper, feed him, get him dressed, get my stuff together for work, pile everyone and everything into the tiny tiny car, and head off to two separate daycares and then, finally, work. I then get off work at 5, go pick up Jordan, and head home. Thankfully, my MIL (aka Gmo!) picks Ali up every day since her daycare closes before I can make it across town. I go home and the rest of the evening is a blur. Feed kids. Bathe kids. Play with kids. Brush kids' teeth (now that they both have teeth...). Put kids to bed. And (oh yeah!) feed myself! I go straight to bed, and then I have to get up because I remember I still need to feed that stray dog we picked up a few weeks ago! And even this crazy routine isn't set in stone. Ali just now finished up t-ball, so for a while, we had to squeeze that in there somewhere as well.

Ali lost her second tooth the other day. Actually, Gmo pulled it for her! When I was little, my parents always had to take me to the dentist because my teeth never got loose enough to just "yank out." But Ali's was wiggling all over the place, and Sherry just flicked it right out of her mouth! It was SO cool and Ali didn't cry or anything! She is in a race with her friend at school to see who can lose their teeth the fastest. So far, she's losing by two.

Jordan has grown so much in the past few weeks, too. He recognizes people he knows, and is getting really vocal, especially in church. Especially during prayer! I'm glad everyone thinks it's funny at this point, but I bet they won't think it's as humorous when he starts getting old enough to know better!

For those who have been around Jordan, they know he has never been a very quiet baby. He was, and still is at times, a very fussy baby. He still has days when he'll cry off and on all day and he still doesn't sleep through the night. And, now that he's able to recognize people, he'll cry if someone he doesn't know is holding him. He's pretty attached to me, I'd say. So when I leave him with someone else, like, anyone else, I worry the entire time. So, while I know I can at any point ask almost anyone I know to keep the kids, I'd rather not do it ALL the time, regardless of how willing anyone is. I don't have a problem with asking someone to watch them occasionally, but they are my kids and therefore my responsibility. I hate when I see people push their kids off on other people. I think that's sucky parenting.

I don't like being out past 8 because that's Jordan's bedtime, and he is usually pretty fussy anywhere from 1 to 2 hours before he goes to bed. So, if I do make plans, I need to be ready to pick them up before 8. You can't treat your kids the way you treat yourself. If you stay up late, your body knows how to cope the next day and you'll survive. But a 5 month old baby? If he is up late one night, chances are he is going to be one really fussy baby the next day, which in turn puts a lot of pressure on Mom, Dad, and even big sister Ali! Do you ever think about how bad you sleep when you're not in your own bed? Kids are that way too. If I were to make plans to do something and take them with me, I have to worry about how fussy Jordan is going to be. MOST of the time, if I ever do anything past 7 o'clock, I spend the entire night rocking him and humming in his ear. It just makes more sense to stay home!

People that don't have kids can't possibly understand what it's like to be that engulfed by something. You can't just leave them with someone and then stop thinking or worrying about them. Out of sight, out of mind? Never. My babies aren't just part of my life, they are my life. It's just like the beat of your heart or the breath the goes in and out of your lungs; I simply cannot live without them.

T-Balla!

         

Playing left center... Without a hat because she loses it every game! 

 

Getting ready...



Look at that BIG baseball swing she's about to take!

You'll hear me chuckle at the end because of how she always "pounces" on the bag

Did You Make Poo Poo?

When I was younger, I would make fun of adults who would make themselves sound like total idiots just to make a baby smile. Children really are very similar to a drug--they're addicting. That must be why the Duggars have 3,000 of them.

I never thought I'd be that person. You know, the one making funny noises and saying incoherent sentences to a baby. Yet, here I am. And you think I'm bad? You should hear my husband. It's fall-over funny. He doesn't make all the ridiculous sounds I make, but the things he says...

The other day, he made up an acceptance speech for Jordan, who he expects to beat the Oklahoma scoring record in basketball someday. The speech went something like, "I'm so excited about breaking this record. I'd like to thank God, above all. I'd also like to thank my parents, love you Mom. But if I could just get my dad to come up here, he's been the biggest influence on my life. I want him to accept this award with me..." I almost died from laughing so hard, and Kris knew he was being funny. Really, honey? Dad has to accept the award too?

It's even funnier when Ali does it. She's only five anyway, so it's like seeing a baby talk to a baby. And when Jordan "talks" back, i.e. making a high pitched scream or just blowing raspberries, Ali gets all excited and says, "He said his first word! Did you hear him?" I'm pretty sure she misses being the baby sometimes. She's taken to calling Kris "DaDa" and (do NOT tell her I told you this!) she asked me to put a diaper on her the other day. Where's the picture to prove it? She made me delete it. She's five, but she still has pride too!

What made me think of how silly I sound when I talk to my baby? The other day, I was walking though Wal-Mart. Jordan was in his car seat, wide awake, laughing and smiling. I was making "ga-ga, goo-goo" noises at him, not paying attention to anything else. I looked up and saw two teenage girls looking at me like I had a horn on my forehead. I'm only 23 and a lot of people think I'm still 18 (I'll be thankful for that trait later on in life, I'm sure!), so to have these girls look at me like I'm crazy was a shock; it's not like I'm an old lady or anything! I wanted to hold Jordan up and say, "Seriously? You're not going to make stupid noises at my kid to see him smile? You're the crazy ones!"

Since then, I've been a little more careful about how stupid I sound when I talk to Jordan. Well, I tried, anyway. This morning, I walked into his room to get him ready for daycare. I flipped on the light and he greeted me with a big ole smile. I could smell something funky, so I leaned over his crib and said, "Did you make poo poo? Huh? Did baby make poo poo in his diapee?"

I've now decided that I don't care. The baby [drug] is too powerful to resist; I simply can't help but sound like an idiot when I talk to my child.

From Freedom to Parenthood: 10 Things That Change

1. You will now always drive with both hands on the wheel, wear your seatbelt, and stop at every stop sign. That is... if the kids are in the car.
2. You'll starve yourself do death trying to make sure every little thing your kids need is taken care of.
3. You miss going out, so you let Grandma take care of the kids one night. The entire time you're out, you just want to go home and see your kids.
4. Instead of looking at the screaming child in Wal-Mart like they're spoiled, you'll wipe the sweat off your forehead and say, "Thank you Jesus that it isn't mine this time!"
5. You'll wake up to every little tiny noise in the house.
6. You'll now know every Barney song ever made.
7. Finding time to use the restroom is no longer a necessity, but a luxury.
8. Never again will you be on time. For anything.
9. You will now have 1,000 times more respect for you own parents. You're finally old enough to truly appreciate all they've done for you!
10. Nothing in your home will ever be clean at the same time. When the laundry is finished, you'll need to clean the sticky fingerprints off the windows. When the windows are clean, you'll need to vacuum the carpet and mop the floors. Once that’s finished, you’ll need to scrub the baby food off the table. When it’s well scrubbed, you’ll have to re-mop the kitchen floor because someone just spilled Fruit Punch. Afterwards, you’ll realize you have spit up on your left shoulder. Putting your shirt in the dirty clothes basket, you’ll realize there’s a fresh new pile of laundry waiting patiently for you, and the cycle continues.

I Love Summer (Kind of)

Summertime in Oklahoma is insane. It gets SO hot. And because of the humidity, it's so hard to breathe! We have spurts of no rain and the grass turns yellow; the wind seems to die down on those particularly hot days to where you feel like your skin is melting right off your bones. However, as many complaints as I have about how stinking hot it gets here, there is one perk: We get Ali for SIX weeks! It's awesome. During the rest of the year, it seems like we barely get to see her. I may get to pick her up from daycare a couple days a week, but she has to go back to her mother's that night anyway, so it isn't like we can make plans to do anything with her. My husband's work schedule is never the same; he may work three Saturdays, have one off, work twp, have three off... There are some weeks during the year that he only sees her on a Sunday. It kills him. But during the summer, it's so nice. He doesn't have to worry so much about his work schedule because he knows she'll be there every day when he gets home.

My favorite part about having her for so long is spending those lazy days together. We may go to the park, stay at home, watch TV, play in the back yard, or just sit on the front porch reading children's books. This year she started T-ball--hilarious! She used to cry when the coach made her play Catcher, so he finally quit putting her there. Most of the time, she doesn't want to play. An hour before her game, she'll say, "I wish my game was tomorrow. I just want to stay home today." While I understand completely how nice that would be, I have to explain to her what making a commitment means. She doesn't have to play next year if she doesn't want to, but as of this year, she made a commitment to her coach, her team, and to herself to play. She's five, so we'll see next year if she remembers any of that conversation!

Right now, we are at the end of our first three week summer visitation. She'll go stay with her mother for a while and then she'll come back. Sometimes I wish we didn't have to bother with splitting the six weeks up like that, but it's good for her. As sad as it seems, Ali isn't used to being in one place for very long. And she needs to spend time with her mother anyway. I wish she didn't have to go through the whole back-and-forth thing.

I think today we may go to the park. We told her she isn't allowed to play on her swing set in the back yard anymore because it's broken and looks a little bit dangerous. She's not happy about that! I love her so much. I hope someday she understands our relationship a little better. I hope someday I understand it a little better too! I want to be her mom, but she already has one, so I try to be kind of like an aunt. An aunt who loves her like a daughter. It's a very confusing relationship! Maybe someday she can just look at me like a best friend. A really old best friend!

Sick Baby

Last week, Jordan woke up with a stuffy nose, and then he started coughing. I called his doctor and was told it was probably just the weather, but to call again if it didn't go away within a week. Yesterday morning, after getting no sleep due to a very pungent fingernail polish smell in our house (another Ali story!), I decided to stay home, and since Jordan didn't sleep much either, I kept him home too. His cough had gotten worse so I took him in to the pediatrician. "His lungs are very healthy," he told me. Well anyone who has ever heard Jordan cry knows they're a very strong set of lungs; healthy is good too. Then he checked his ears, removing some deep gunk, which, big surprise, Jordan was NOT okay with. Again, we know how strong his lungs are.

Short story shorter, Jordan has an ear infection in his right ear. The cough and stuffy nose were caused by the weather, and the ear infection was caused by the drainage from the cough and stuffy nose. In short, my baby has an ear infection because of Oklahoma weather! When I was little, I had ear infections all the time. Ali used to get them all the time too. I am so worried now that poor Jordan will go through the same thing we did. =( He is taking medicine though so he should be better in just a few days. I hope he doesn't have to have tubes put in like I did as a child... And I thought breastfed babies were less likely to get ear infections? Myth!

I did have a good time staying home with him though! He was a fairly happy baby and took a very long nap; I even had time to do laundry! I love having clean socks to wear!  =)

Another Milestone...

When I picked Jordan up from daycare yesterday, they informed me that he had been coughing off and on all day. He already had a runny nose, so I figured my poor baby had his first cold. NOT the milestone I was talking about...

So instead of taking him to daycare today, I decided to take him to work with me (as if that would make a diference!). He had been so much fun all morning, destracting me from my work, giggling and talking up a storm. I looked at the clock around 9:30 and thought it was just about his naptime. So I layed him down on his blanket on the the floor, and the kid just keeps laughing and smiling--WIDE eyed! It was so funny. I wanted to send a picture of him to Kris, so I snapped a picture just as he gave one big ole smile. I was looking at the picture and was just about to hit the send button when I noticed something in his mouth. Something white. I jabbed my finger into the poor baby's mouth and started feeling of his gums and sure enough, my little 4 month old baby has his first tooth!

I couldn't believe it! I called Kris right away, sent the picture to our families, and have been double checking all day to make sure it's still there. Yep, it's still there. Ali lost her first tooth a few weeks ago, and now her baby brother has cut his first one. My babies are blowing me away with these milestones!



Lil Giggler

He is laughing up a storm! Not sure what was making him laugh, but it was bedtime and he was NOT sleepy =)

My Little Girl

As I watch this video above, I remember another video of Ali when she had just turned four. I was teaching her how to pitch a softball like I used to when I was younger, and she was a natural. But she seemed SO much younger then! She wasn't as coordinated; she sometimes fell trying to pick up the ball, and her speech wasn't as clear as it is now. She hadn't lost all her baby fat, and her little cheeks were perfect for pinching, not that I ever did! =) And now she seems so grown up... makes me wonder what happened to our little girl!

Growing up so fast!

Here he is eating his first ever solid! Mushed sweet peas. It didn't look too solid to me...

Smiling at Mama =)

He has become such a smiley baby! The ladies at his daycare think he's the prettiest baby ever. Agreed!

See? Just look at that smile!

Pneumonia

Poor Ali has had pneumonia--her mom said she had a seizure early Friday morning and she rushed her to the emergency room. I can NOT imagine what that was like. How scary. From what I know, the doctor said it was probably caused by a spike in fever, and we should give her medicines to keep the fever down to prevent another seizure. She came home with us the next day, and just by looking at her, you wouldn't have known she was sick. She was coughing up a storm, yes, but she wanted to run around, dance, play, sing... I can't remember how many times I had to say, "Ali, honey, you're sick. You need to quit running (or dancing or jumping or whatever she was doing at the time) and rest."

Tired of watching TV, she decided to play school. We set up chairs for her "students," which consisted of a giant stuffed rabbit, Jordan, and a little plastic doll. Oh, and me, of course. I was part student, part assistant, part teacher. We learned our alphabet, had show and tell, and wrote all our numbers. Jordan got in trouble several times for interrupting class with his usual coos, raspberries, and baby giggles, and once because he wouldn't stop touching Ms. Hoppity Hop's foot. Oh my goodness, it was hilarious. Then she kicked Jordan out of the class because he needed a nap, and almost kicked me out too because I said it was time for dinner.

She cried twice that day because she was so sick of being stuck inside. The first time, I caught her in the hallway wearing a dress and a pair of church shoes. I said, "Ali, what are you doing?" She simply said, "Oh, nothing. I was just getting dressed so I could go outside and play." I told her she couldn't go outside and play because it was too hot and she had pneumonia. She was not happy.

The second time broke my heart. I had been watching both of the kids all day while Kris went golfing with some of his buddies. By the time he got home, I was exhausted and needed a break. So I decided to go for a jog. While putting on my tennis shoes, Ali walks in the bedroom and says, "Where ya goin'?" I should have lied. I should have said I was going to the doctor for a shot, and then she wouldn't have wanted to come too. But Honest Abe never tells a lie. "I want to go running with you. I love running!" Then she dropped her head and started pouting. "Since when did you start loving to run so much?" I asked her. "Since yesterday!" she yelled, and then stormed off to her room. It was so funny and sad at the same time. It was like house arrest for her. But I had to get away for a while. When I got back, I thought I was going to die. I'm pretty out of shape. I wanted to sit on the porch for a while and have just a little more time away from the kids, but Ali must have a tracking device on me or something! She came outside, hands filled with books, saying, "Destiny, can we read these?" Out of breath, tired, and feeling like my "me time" had been interrupted, I caved and said yes.

Anytime Ali says she wants us to read, she really mean she wants to read everything all by her little independent self! Sweaty, I let her read to me. And, like always, I forgot all about needing time for myself and just let myself drift off to I-Love-My-Kids Land. Kris came outside too, and since Jordan was asleep, we all just sat there peacefully without a care in the world. We ate Popsicles and even let her play a little game on the sidewalk. It was so nice to spend that time together.

At the end of the day, after several doses of cough medicine, Tylenol, and Ibuprofen, she was tuckered out. Before she went to bed, I told her that if she felt sick or had a bad dream or just woke up missing us, she could come get us right away. She said, "But what if it's too dark and I can't see?" I laughed. "Then you just call out for me and I'll be in here faster than you can say Ms. Hoppity Hop." Ten minutes later, she was fast asleep.

On (Step)Parenting: Loving What Isn't Mine

I’m 23 and I have a 5 year old stepdaughter. I love her. A year ago, I couldn’t tell you what it’s like to carry a baby in your belly, and I couldn’t define the love that a parent has for a child all their “own.” But I can do all that now. In January, I had Jordan Kade Darbison, the most beautiful baby boy in the whole world. I’ve spent entire nights rocking him; I’ve lived off 2 hours of sleep for days on end. I’ve taken him to the doctor, watched him get his shots, and watched him grow. I didn’t get to do any of those things with my daughter Ali. I met her when she was 3, and immediately fell in love. When I walked down the aisle to marry her dad, Kris, I carried her. Our little flower girl was too shy to walk by herself! And now, she is almost 6, and, having had Jordan, I can honestly say that I love her just as much as any mom can love their own child. I watch her play t-ball, a proud mom who nudges the lady next to me and says, “She’s mine!”

But she’s not mine. I often have to remind myself that God will never give me more than I can handle. As hard as this whole thing seems, I will continue to unconditionally love Ali for the rest of my life. She deserves that! She is the most amazing kid on the planet. She starts kindergarten next year and can already read better than most 2^nd graders! The other day she said to me, “Destiny, I need to talk to you.” Then she grabbed my hand and walked me to my bedroom, sat down on the bed, and finished with, “We need to have some mommy-daughter time. Can we go to McDonald’s?” I laughed so hard; she totally knew how to butter me up to get what she wanted!

I have tried to research ways to deal with being a stepparent, but everyone’s situation is different, so there is no cut-and-paste way to figure this whole process out. The one thing I can bet is true for everyone is that it is not always easy. As a stepparent, you’re always on shaky ground, and it feels like someone can just pull the rug out from under you at any moment. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it. And then I go into Ali’s room while she’s sleeping and just look at her. I’m amazed at how perfect she is; so innocent, so loving. And then I bend down and kiss her on the forehead and think, YES, it is definitely all worth it.

First Emergency Room Visit, Oh My!

Jordan, Jordan, Jordan... He may very well be the death of me! He goes to bed at 6:30 every day, which is a pain because then he wakes up around 5 in the morning when Mommy is clearly NOT ready to start the day yet! Our morning routine has consisted of waking up too early, nursing, and then putting him in his swing where he usually A) plays until I wake up for good or B) falls asleep. Saturday morning was no different. It was a Saturday, for crying out loud! The day to sleep in and wake up feeling refreshed had finally come. So when Jordan woke up at 5:30, we resumed our normal routine. I put him in his swing and he looked as if he was going to fall asleep. Mistake #1: trusting he would really fall asleep. Mistake #2: not strapping him into the swing. *Sigh*

I went back to bed. Need I remind you that it was a Saturday morning!? I could hear the swing tick tick ticking as it went back and forth, back and forth, back and... and then I was asleep. I was asleep for what felt like 3 seconds when I heard a loud SMACK and then a baby crying. My husband and I have never moved so fast. We were both out of bed and in the living room in half a second, where we found our baby boy face down on the floor. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about how bad it could have been. I scooped him up and saw a dark purple mark just over his right eye. He had for sure hit his head on the corner of our DVD stand. I got dressed and took him to the ER. We were there for 3 hours. They took x-rays of his skull and checked his eyes and pushed on his neck. You know what Jordan did the whole time? Smiled and giggled up a storm. He was over the whole thing in about 2 minutes.

We left with a piece of paper saying to watch him closely for the next 12 hours, and that basically a baby’s skull is so soft that it would take something a lot worse than a twelve inch fall to really hurt them. I spent the rest of the day looking at his eyes, making sure his pupils were the same size. Less than a week later, you can’t even tell anything happened. Same ole baby again: bruise-less and happy. As for MOM, well I worry every single time I’m not in the same room as he is. I strap him in good and tight, and check in on him every three and a half seconds or so.

Lesson? NEVER assume the baby is going to fall asleep. He’s a tricky one. And ALWAYS strap him in—the little wiggle worm may just wiggle himself right out of the swing.

Baby Fever?

   My husband and I took our vows December 19th, 2009. I graduated from college the following May and in June found out I was pregnant. Uhh, what? We had only been married five months, but accepted that if it was what God wanted, then it was best. I was very naive in my pregnancy. I thought, "I'll only gain 25 pounds. I won't allow myself to get stretch marks. I'll be the cutest pregnant girl in the whole world.." What funny dreams I had.
   I really did like being pregnant for the first 16 weeks, mostly because I was still skinny and people would say, "I can't believe you're pregnant! You're so little!" I would smile and nod my head. But of course.. that whole skinny thing didn't last. At around 20 weeks, my aunt was staying with us, and I was walking around the house in sweats and a sports bra. My aunt chuckled and said, "Well I never thought I'd see the day when Destiny would have back fat!" It was all downhill from there. My face ballooned, my butt expanded, and my belly button popped out so far that my stepdaughter thought there was something wrong with me. Seriously, it was a little gross. I cut my hair in an attempt to boost confidence, but it just framed my new face and made it stand out even more. Don't cut your hair when you get pregnant.
   On top of all that jazz, I was crazy emotional. My poor husband... he was a helpless little man and I was a massive woman with a loaded gun, metaphorically of course. He would come home and I would be locked in the bathroom crying because some lady on TLC had an eating disorder. My mother-in-law was incredible; I'd say I was a wee bit spoiled, but at the time, being so emotional, I felt like everything was wrong. Nobody loved me. I was ugly. I was fat. I was stupid. And people were mean to me ALL the time.
    I worked at a hardware store at the time. Rough and tough construction men would come in and say, "Gee, you mus' be havin' triplets! I got a pregnant heifer that looks 'bout your size!" My first reaction was to bomb everyone in sight, but considering I didn't own any hand grenades and didn't like the idea of life in prison, I decided against it. Instead I would pretend it didn't bother me and then go to the break room and cry. In my last month of pregnancy I quit my job. That was the best thing I ever did. For 4 weeks I stayed at home and didn't feel like a freak at the circus. I worked on scrapbooks and watched Glee and walked 2 hours a day. That's a lie. I walked maybe 15 minutes a day.. 2 days a week at most. I didn't want to go outside where people could see me.
   On January 31st, 2011, I went to my doctor for a checkup. We were hoping I was dilated and they would induce me that week. Instead, they discovered my precious little baby boy had played rollercoaster a few days before and had flipped--he was now breech. To top it off, there was a snow storm coming. It was about 65 degrees outside at the time, so a snowstorm coming that night seemed ridiculous. However, my doctor didn't agree, so they scheduled a C-section for later that afternoon. I was mortified! Long story short, it turned out to be a good thing. A major snow and ice storm hit that night, and luckily my little 18 inch baby boy and I were snug and comfy in a hospital bed with nurses to bring me Dr. Pepper whenever I wanted. We went home two days later, barely able to make it out of the hospital parking lot from all the snow. It was nice being home. Jordan was perfect. I'd get into more details about him, but I think I'll save that for another day. As of right now, he's almost three months old, and in those three months, I have experienced enough to fill a novel the size of Texas. God really does know what He's doing, ya know.