I’m 23 and I have a 5 year old stepdaughter. I love her. A year ago, I couldn’t tell you what it’s like to carry a baby in your belly, and I couldn’t define the love that a parent has for a child all their “own.” But I can do all that now. In January, I had Jordan Kade Darbison, the most beautiful baby boy in the whole world. I’ve spent entire nights rocking him; I’ve lived off 2 hours of sleep for days on end. I’ve taken him to the doctor, watched him get his shots, and watched him grow. I didn’t get to do any of those things with my daughter Ali. I met her when she was 3, and immediately fell in love. When I walked down the aisle to marry her dad, Kris, I carried her. Our little flower girl was too shy to walk by herself! And now, she is almost 6, and, having had Jordan, I can honestly say that I love her just as much as any mom can love their own child. I watch her play t-ball, a proud mom who nudges the lady next to me and says, “She’s mine!”
But she’s not mine. I often have to remind myself that God will never give me more than I can handle. As hard as this whole thing seems, I will continue to unconditionally love Ali for the rest of my life. She deserves that! She is the most amazing kid on the planet. She starts kindergarten next year and can already read better than most 2nd graders! The other day she said to me, “Destiny, I need to talk to you.” Then she grabbed my hand and walked me to my bedroom, sat down on the bed, and finished with, “We need to have some mommy-daughter time. Can we go to McDonald’s?” I laughed so hard; she totally knew how to butter me up to get what she wanted!
I have tried to research ways to deal with being a stepparent, but everyone’s situation is different, so there is no cut-and-paste way to figure this whole process out. The one thing I can bet is true for everyone is that it is not always easy. As a stepparent, you’re always on shaky ground, and it feels like someone can just pull the rug out from under you at any moment. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it. And then I go into Ali’s room while she’s sleeping and just look at her. I’m amazed at how perfect she is; so innocent, so loving. And then I bend down and kiss her on the forehead and think, YES, it is definitely all worth it.
She's yours in the only way that matters- your heart. I know it is hard SO many times, but she's worth it, you can't deny that. She's like a little tiny girly version of Fuzz! lol So even though it is harder than anyone can even express, just keep hanging in there and doing what you do best- loving her and showing the world what it really is to be a bonus Mom.
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