Scorpion

I have an irrational fear of scorpions. I've been around spiders and snakes all my life--yes, I'm scared of them, but they don't give me nightmares like scorpions do!

The other day I brought a jacket inside the house that had been setting on the front porch since who knows when. As I get inside, walk into the kitchen, a SCORPION THE SIZE OF MY FACE falls out of the jacket, along with FIVE GAZILLION BABY SCORPIONS. Oh my word. Just thinking about it makes me feel a little freaked out!!

I squashed all the babies (screaming "Fuzz, Fuzz, come here! I need you, I need you NOW!"). He was still in bed (it was 11:00 on a Saturday morning, of course he was still in bed). After scooping up Jordan (who was playing in the floor just feet away from the monster) I run into our bedroom screaming at my husband, "GET UP! IT'S GONNA GET ME!!!!" He rolls out of bed (taking his ever-loving sweet time) and goes into the kitchen. The scorpion had crawled underneath our dishwasher. I made him stand watch for a little while in case it came back out, but no sign of it ever appeared. And now everything I see in our house is a scorpion. A leaf. A spider. A safety pin.

Last night I woke up thinking I'd touched one; when I pulled the covers back I saw it, black and menacing and about to get me. And then I realized it was a headband.

There is no point to this post. The scorpion is still loose in my house (and I found another one of it's babies last night in our dining room! EWWWWW!!!) and I can never go barefoot in the kitchen ever again. In fact, I'd like to move.